I don’t know about you, but my favorite day of the week is BrideDay. I’m talking of course about TLC’s popular Friday night time-slot for wedding show favorites: Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids and I Found the Gown. I was talking to a friend of mine who is having some trouble with one of her bridesmaids and it reminded me of an episode of Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids that I had just seen. Bride-to-be Meghan came in to Bridals by Lori with her bridesmaids in tow, consisting mostly of her sorority sisters. Her childhood best friend Jessica very dramatically expressed her displeasure at being a “co-maid of honor” with one of the sorority sisters, Roxy. After all they had been best friends since age five (21 years); had she not earned the honor of being the ONLY maid-of-honor? There was plenty of yelling and tears, but by the end of the very dramatic dress appointment they had all said ‘yes’ to the bridesmaid dresses. So when the girls came back months later for the final fitting Meghan revealed that Jessica had not only been fired as a bridesmaid, but as her best friend as well. Talk about a worst case scenario. So who was wrong here? Was Meghan wrong for having two maids-of-honor? Was Jessica wrong for being demanding and a bridesmaid from hell? More importantly, was it really worth destroying a lifelong friendship over? That’s what I told my friend to ask herself when figuring out whether its necessary to “unbridesmaid” one of her best friends.
Roxy (Left), Meghan (Center), Jessica (Right)
If you find yourself in the situation where you think firing a bridesmaid is the only option, before you go about practicing your Donald Trump impressions, you might want to think about the consequences of that decision. Think about why you chose them to be in your bridal party in the first place and consider exactly why you think they need to be fired. Don’t forget to write everything down and talk to your husband-to-be about your concerns.Your next step should always be to talk to this particular bridesmaid. Actually talk to them- not email, not text, but good old fashioned face-to-face communication. Ask them about their feelings, tell them your concerns, emphasize how important they are to you. Maybe this bridesmaid is actually looking for a way out, but you won’t know until you actually talk to her. After all of this, if you still think she needs to go, then the next thing for you to do is to figure out how to tell her. This isn’t going to be easy on anyone. It will be filled with emotion and you have to accept the reality that you might lose a friend over it. First, make sure you meet in a public place like your local coffee shop. It is always best to give her the bad news privately and absolutely DO NOT fire her in front of your other bridesmaids. Always try to be as respectful and loving as possible. Make sure you mention that this is not the end for your friendship and talking about the future can be a nice segue. Make plans to get together for drinks or coffee soon and make sure she knows she is still invited to the wedding festivities, such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party and of course the wedding itself.
The best way to avoid all of this unpleasantness is to choose the right ladies to stand beside you and support you on your big day. Really think about who you want in your bridal party and WHY they deserve that position. Open communication is crucial and making your intentions known to them right away will set you up for success early on. The right bridesmaids will understand that its your day and if that means standing beside you on your wedding day in the ugliest dress they have ever seen, they will gladly do it with a smile on their faces. And if things start getting out of hand, just stop and give them this friendly reminder: You’re The Bride.
To watch a small clip of this episode of Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids, click the link: